= MIL Decided a Funeral is a Great Birthday Party Option =

So my (20s f) MIL (40s f) has been complaining about money and being tired lately from her 3 part time jobs (note, she makes her own schedule for all three jobs this is important for later)

Recently she's been having trouble with my youngest BIL. He's got some attachment/abandonment issues coming up ever since my DH and eldest BIL moved out with their spouses to start families. Even though we're a bike ride away. He's also a teenager now, and doesn't dote on hislike a saint as he did before. He's still a(I say lovingly) and anything you say about her around him goes right back to her, but he's hitting that Era all his siblings did where he's starting to realize she's not perfect and has issues she needs to address instead of taking it out on her kids. Suddenly the kid who never wanted to leave town is talking about applying early for scholarships to universities on the other side of the country, and it's eating her alive

About a month ago, DH calls and asks me to pick up some ice cream. He says he knows we're cash poor from bills, but he'll pay me back later and just carpool with my BIL until he can get gas money

I tell him don't worry about it and ask what's going on cause he soundsand usually he only calls asking for ice cream or booze when he's had a particularly rough day at work

That's when he tells me what Youngest BIL got to do for his birthday this year: histook him to a funeral! For a kid the same age as the brothers he never gets to see anymore! And listen to aof people scream and cry about how this kid leaving home and not seeing his family is what ruined his life and if only he'd never left they could have helped him! Oh why didn't he just stay with the family!
Which, you know WAS PRETTYHORRIFYING FOR HIM!
Then, DH asked him what he and MIL did afterwards. Surely they had something planned for his birthday AFTER the trauma dump? Nope. MIL dropped him off at the empty house by himself with no one there and no way to leave and went off to work

We (meaning BIL, DH, and I) worked to scrounge up the cash to do a small birthday bash for him at our place. Ice cream, I barely had time to make a home made cake. It wasn't pretty, but it was his favorite flavors with home made icing. BIL got him pizza. We made it work. It wasn't some grand birthday bash like he'd had in the past, but at least it wasn't afuneral and an empty house

The longer we go on since then, the more I realize that was really going to be it. This woman was going to let her son's birthday be a funeral and nothing. I'm not saying he had to have some grand birthday bash with balloons and a dj or something, but I did in two hours what she had a whole month to attempt. Cause remember, she makes her own schedule. She CHOOSE to work after the funeral KNOWING it was his birthday, and I am livid

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Now you know why he’s looking for unis across the country. You should also be prepared to host him when he comes home for holidays because if I were him, I wouldn’t go anywhere near her

Holey! This MIL is vile. Playing games like that to mess with his mind is sickening. That kid needs to get out of that house now. That's child abuse

Thank you for stepping up for him. Poor kid, he deserves a better

Oh, we dully know it'sand emotionally abusive. We also know we live in an area where that's not going to be sufficient enough for him to be taken away. The best we can do is give him the tools he needs to get help when he finally does leave

Wow, it’s not often we get a completely unique sample of JNMIL crazy, but this one takes the (birthday) cake for its special brand of horrifying!
Good on you, DH, and other BIL for salvaging something positive for youngest BIL and making some good birthday memories!
Your JNMIL is a really. She shouldn't even have taken him to the funeral on his birthday

It's like she's trying to 'scare him straight like when they'd do mock car accidents with fake funerals for the graduating seniors in high school. "If OnLy He'D sTaYeD hOmE wItH hIs MoThEr
Your BIL is going to remember the birthday party you and your DH gave him
*for the rest of his life.*
Stranger on the internet says "thank you!" for that. (I went several years with Ndad not even realizing or caring when my B-day was. Coworkers surprised me with a night at a restaurant and I'll never forget the care and concern they gave me. Thank you, guys.)
I once had to do a similar emergency birthday party for my friend's daughter after her dad once again cancelled on her with 15mins notice. The poor kid was already in her party dress and bouncing off the walls in anticipation of seeing her dad. That was 20 years ago now and she still remembers what we managed to pull together for her

Happy birthday to your💚🎂 I myself have a rugbug, a chicken and a gremlin 😉
You are a good person to care about his experience and to have pulled together a few things to make his birthday better on short notice

Happy Belated Birthday to Your Sweet Lil
and your MIL sux
Definitely sounds emotionally abusive! That poor kid! Does he have friends his own age?
He's starting to. The new school and some after school activities have been good for him

And she will wonder later down the road WHY he never calls or visits and WHY he doesn't want to take care of her in her old age. 😱

Happy Belated Birthday from an internet stranger

That poor kid! Did he even know the person who died?
Glad the rest of you were able to get together & sshow him that his bd matters